Imperative
by narie the waitress
Summary: A small Setsuna character sketch, following manga continuity and written in about four hours.


All disclaimers apply. Please, do not sue. Sailor Moon and associated concepts belong to their respective copyright holders. And you can be sure I have absolutely nothing to do with any of them. 

Note: This story follows manga continuity. In other words, Setsuna is 18 in the S season, and a freshman at KO University, the same one Mamoru attends. She's getting a major in theoretical physics.

Imperative

narie_the_waitress

"Y cada minuto espera su turno,

Se escapa, se pierde, se une al mar."

La Oreja de Van Gogh - Desde el puerto

Sometimes I see her. With her long hair behind her back, as she stands still, keeping guard. She stands with a neutral expression on her face, ready to attack and defend her silent realm at the slightest provocation. Blast first, ask questions later, and if necessary, close the dome. Just don't stop time, because she doesn't want to die. And neither do I.

Some other times I see myself. You'd wonder how I tell us both apart, as we are technically one and the same, but I can still do it, because she is different from me. She is older, she is wise, and even though she has a warm spot for Chibi Usa (whom, I'll confess, I'm not as fond of right now as I presumably be 3000 years from now - she had better be a gorgeous baby, otherwise I'm not quite sure how we're going to manage that...), she is still much colder than I am, much more devoted to her assigned place... I don't think she gets out much. 

Of course, we've never met, we've never spoken to one another, but I know that she sees me too, and she does everything in her power to insure her existence. Her life depends on my actions, and she knows it. She is fully convinced that her way is the only right way, because if she doesn't have it her way, she will not exist. I imagine that every time I take a step in the wrong direction and the timelines switch she quivers, and she fades in and out suddenly, for just a few seconds, and is shaken to the core in downright terror. I can't kill her, can I? I will not be allowed to do that, will I?    

After all, The Timeline must be preserved.

Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be this way, to be honest. It sounds naive, and it certainly is, but I don't care. I am only 18 years old, after all, and like everyone else on this planet, I have my own sword of Damocles hanging over my neck, only that mine will remain in its place slighty below 4000 years, while the average one falls not long after 75. 

Mine will fall and will rise again. Whether it will fall for a second time is something I don't know, but I do doubt it. 

If The Timeline is preserved, in any case.

I... I didn't believe in destiny. I still don't. The idea of something, or someone having the power to control what in my life happens when is simply disturbing, and even after everything I have seen I can still hold on to my belief. But that's not naiveté, that's plain stubbornness. And it's also a character trait.

My hands are cold right now. Nothingness is not a warm place, after all. I have come here today because I want to see. I don't know why, I have found that knowing and not being able to share that knowledge is not only one of the most frustrating things in this world, but also a downright curse. How can I enjoy life, how can I be carefree after what I've seen? 

Yet, I want to know. I'm a student, after all; aren't I allowed to have an inquisitive mind? I want to know if there is another way. I don't want to die. I don't want to live with the knowledge than on March 25th, 5750 I shall stop time and die.

If everything goes as planned, that's when it will happen. Prince Dimando (who at this time will be suffering from most pronounced cases of both temporary insanity and perpetual lust) will try to bring the past and present versions of the Ginzuishou together, and in order to stop the whole world from snapping I'll say "No! Stop! Time! Stop!!" and then I'll collapse to the ground, and Chibi Usa will become herself again. Then I'll die.

Because, after all, The Timeline must be preserved.

The Timeline must be preserved.  
  
It must be.  
Must.  
...  
Why?  
Why must it?  
  


Why should I preserve this timeline, if I were ever to find a better one? 

Why? Why do I have to die, only to have her come to life? I'm only 18, and I have a long life ahead of me. Four years from now I will vanish and spend one millennium inside the Timestream. I have no idea what I'm going to do during all those years, but I certainly do hope there's good food, good literature and good music available over there.

There is an insistent voice inside my head - and rather persuasive, as well - that says I must do this because sacrifices are necessary, and because this timeline is the best. It brings Endymion and Serenity of old together at last, and they stay that way ever after, and spread peace through the Galaxy, but to be quite honest, I believe that an eternal reign of peace will not be the best thing in the long run, because as Chaos itself will so eloquently put it, "Where there is light, there is darkness. The darkness calls to the light, and the light calls again to the darkness. Our destiny matches."

So why should we strive for eternal peace when we know that it won't come? Isn't there a much more realistic timeline? One where Serenity fully assumes the fact that Chaos cannot be defeated so long as she exists, because her presence in the world makes his existence something of a necessity? 

I mean, it's not that radical a switch, after all. I'm just adding a dose of common sense to the rulers of Crystal Tokyo, so they won't try to purge their citizens with the Ginzuishou and unleash the Black Moon War.

After all, I don't want to die. I'm only 18.

But it doesn't matter much. It shouldn't, anyhow. Not to me. I don't have a choice. I'm just the keeper, the guardian. I protect the crown, but I shall never think for it. 

Seven hours from now I shall walk into a somewhat abandoned office at KO University and be approached by a girl named Reika. She will say "Are you an assistant?" to which I will reply "No, I'm a student. Of the faculty of science. I'm helping out at this office."       I could certainly say other things. Most of them would have no effect whatsoever on The Timeline, but it's been deemed best if I say just those words. Somewhat enigmatic, but also polite. It's what's been deemed best. By who, I'm not too sure, but if you were to view The Timeline, to make sure things were happening as they should, you'd see that's what I should (and will) say.

Sometime after that, in any case, Haruka, Michiru and myself will all be caught in Cyprine's Ribbon Buster. And you can picture how the rest goes, can't you?

Approximately 3750 years from now I will die. 

I am the Senshi of Revolution. Doesn't give me the right to stage a revolution against my own job, however... It's not that bad of a job, you'd say. I can do as I please with my time; study, read, design, lead as normal a life as I wish to, because I know, with quite a large amount of certainty, when I am truly going to be needed.

If The Timeline is preserved, that is.

And since it is my job to make sure it is preserved, and nothing seems to be threatening it directly this moment, it does seem like it will.

And of course, you want to ask me why I don't want to die? I know why you don't want to die; because, deep down, regardless of what you believe in, there's a little nagging doubt about what happens after. Just a little snippet of doubt, but a snippet nonetheless. And I, lucky Meioh Setsuna, will be alive to tell anyone who cares to listen was being dead feels like.

After all, the Neo-Queen will resurrect me after I give my life to stop Dimando. But I have seen her, she who will rise after I am dead. I have seen her, as I have told you, and she isn't me. 

Stern, serious, silent and silky, everything I am not. I'm just a girl, after all. Only 18, and all that. You've heard it all before.    She looks like me, certainly, in the same way I look identical to the Setsuna of the Silver Millennium, who died in the Fall and was reborn as the voice in the back of my head. But we are not the same.

Haven't you read about cloning, after all? No one can duplicate the experiences you feel, no one can create someone identical to you. Physically identical, perhaps. Mentally? Never. I wasn't present at the fall, I was born in 1978, and my memory only goes as back as 1982. 

She will be born on 5752. She will be born into an adult body, with an adult mind, and she will, to everyone around her, be me. But I will be nothing but a voice at the back of her mind, much like the Setsuna of old, and not myself...

Why do I have to share my body, anyhow? Maybe the Setsuna of old had a right to it, but I don't. I'm just a normal girl with an interest in temporal physics. She was the princess of a planet, and a sworn guard to the princess of the Moon... 

Incidentally, if I do get bored during the time of the Ice, I shall have to ask her to tell me some stories from back then. I want to hear what life was back then, because I imagine it was beautiful, as beautiful as a fairy tale kingdom could be, held together with magic...

I wish the Gate would let me see the past. It doesn't, not normally. Or at least, I have yet to figure out how to do it. It will show me the future, but not any future I ask it for. Only the possible ones. The ones that have been locked by previous actions are closed. They cannot serve as a temptation anymore, as a reason to go back in time and alter something. Unless you're part of the Black Moon Family, of course...

But little by little, as they seal themselves off, I see my chances are becoming smaller and smaller. I look at the gate, and watch my hopes dissolve into shimmery nothingness. I die. I always die. I die, and I don't want to. Not like that. Not stopping time, sacrificing myself for something I don't completely believe in.

All I want is my normal life. 

But I can't have it...

Not if The Timeline is to be preserved, anyhow.

And it is imperative that it be. 

So I've been told, anyhow.

This is my Pluto story, and I'm sticking to it, like +Gradient said. Granted, he was talking about Ami. The point holds, nonetheless.   
  
I don't believe that Setsuna is simply reborn when she stops time, but that a new... layer is added to her. It's hard to explain. Suffice it to say that the Setsuna of Crystal Tokyo is not the same one that stops time when Dimando tries to bring the two versions of the Ginzuishou together.  
  
This story serves both as a nice little break from When She Woke at Dawn, as well as some sort of prep for writing its next chapter. It was inspired by Dremdancer's portrayals of Setsuna and Sailor Pluto in "Diamonds, Roses and the Heart of the World." As it was written over four hours (from midnight to 4 AM, approximately,) while chatting to various people, I'm sure it lacks even more coherency than usual...  
  
Alex Glover's translations of acts 23, 27, 29 and 51 were used liberally to provide both dialogue and background details.  
  
As usual, thanks to Lady Archanna for putting up with me while I thought of this wee little thing, wrote it and dodged writing WSWAD, as well as reading my randomly recommended fics, and putting up with completely-out-of-context quotes dropped onto AIM... *glomps* And thanks for the cookies, too! Where would I be without them?  
  
Narie  
São Paulo, Brazil, July 27th, 2001  
  
(bakanarie@hotmail.com,  
http://planeta.terra.com.br/arte/bakanarie/) 


End file.
